myjourneyuntilnow….
Is There No Balm in Gilead?
April 10, 2024
Much has transpired since December 18, 2023 when I last posted my thoughts prior to Christmas. In fact, as I read those words once again and the title, “Make Room”, it comes to me that my heart was being prepared for a season of physical suffering through which I would have to depend heavily on the Presence of Jesus in my life. The prayers of my family and friends would also be imperative. For certain, the “making room” process opened a door to embrace the belief for what my Sister in Christ, Callie, declared: “There is purpose in the pain.”
What was finally diagnosed as a blood clot had silently developed over several months into an excruciatingly painful experience, including vascular blockage in my left arm and hand. This resulted in gangrene (sorry for the ugly details) in my ring finger. Needless to say, it appeared that I would have at least a partial amputation of that finger.
Fast forward…..”mercy said, no!”
People prayed, especially my church family, the Mission Missouri family, and my own family.
Jesus heard those prayers, even though the months of suffering would say the opposite. “Was He even listening?” “Were we not praying in line with His will?” “Was I doing something wrong?”
Again……”mercy said, no to the fear, the anxiety, the self-condemnation.”
Today, I write to you as a healed and healing daughter of the Most-High God. I did not do anything to “deserve”, “earn”, or “orchestrate” this healing. Today I am pain free and the finger has more new skin appearing every morning. There is no dead skin, only new skin.
How did this happen? Did I pray the right prayer? Did I offer the right sacrifice? Did I cry out loud enough to heaven?
Let me tell you the story…..first, understand that many, many, many people, as I mentioned, prayed diligently for me. Some of my Sisters and Brothers have told me that they would wake up in the middle of the night and call out on my behalf to Jesus. My Pastor GL Keene covered me each day in prayer. Those prayers were prayers for healing, but although we may not have realized it, these were prayers for perseverance. I had to persevere. I had to keep going. I could not give up.
Friday, March 8th, my daughter, Corrie, and two of my spiritual daughters, Lacy and Ashley, went to a tent revival in Advance, Missouri. When the altars opened, Ashley said, “Don’t you think we should take your Mom to the altar?” “Yes, yes, yes…” These daughters took me to the Throne of Heaven. A prayer warrior there, Jenny, led the little army. There were tears, a vision given, crying out…..and little did they realize that miles away, in my home…..it was over. There has been no more pain since that night. The healing has manifested. My strength has returned. I was not present, but His Presence, the Balm of Gilead, entered my suffering and said, “It is complete.”
The Balm of Gilead is one of the most comforting symbols to me of His work in the lives of His Sons and Daughters. The Balm, found in several scripture passages, was used for its medicinal qualities and was found primarily in the region of Gilead where three of the tribes of Israel inherited their allotted land. It was on the East side of the Jordan River. This land produced grapes, olives, fruit trees and the aromatic tree resin from which the healing balm was created.
Although the picture of the Balm is primarily one of healing, there is a disturbing outcry from the people found in Jeremiah 8:22…”Is there no Balm in Gilead?”….The children of Israel had once again turned from God, but could not understand why there was no healing for them in their present condition.
While theirs was a question related to disobedience, when I experience distress, pain, or suffering of any kind, I too want to express that same interrogation with my Creator. It must sound something like this to His ear….”God…are You there…. God, yes, I’m not sure how to even talk to you because You promised….”(and then I list all the things I believe are due me as His child)…and then…”and I am in such pain, I am hurting, I am suffering”…(which could range from the physical, mental, or emotional realm, but which definitely means my world is completely out of control)…”God, You are supposed to keep me from experiencing pain”…(of any nature)…bottom line: “Is there no Balm in Gilead?”…which has an even deeper bottom line…”I am not supposed to hurt.”
Because Corrie witnessed the daily struggle of her Momma, she researched how to make the Balm of Gilead to add to her anointing oil collection….and, of course, provided me with the ointment as part of my medicinal regimen. Not only did the ointment contribute to the healing but each time I applied it, I was reminded of my Beautiful Jesus, the Ultimate Healer of all pain.
Pain can be part of the process to healing. In fact, as in my journey, it was a clarifier. It was a stabilizer. It brought focus. It overshadowed “life”, but created a “life flow” through which I could exist, persevere, and cling to Him.
And while my soul cry….”is there no Balm in Gilead?”… may at the lowest point have sounded devoid of faith, those were the days I was carried by the faithful prayers and love of others. In fact….those were the moments I was being carried all the way to the Tent of Meeting where His Presence was waiting just for me.